Things I Wonder, Things I Know: Autumn, 2015

Every day, L. stands at the window and yells ‘mama! mama!’ a good hour or so before her mother comes home.  I have tried to explain to her that this will not work to bring her mother home, but then I realized, well, her mother does come home eventually, so maybe it does work.  Also, I’m a total hypocrite, because who am I to say that yelling at a window will not bring someone home, when I snarl, ‘Move! DRIVE, you stupid effing potato!’ at other cars in traffic.

‘Drives like a potato’ is my phrase for drivers whose behavior I dislike.  I try to never swear in front of kids, and somehow, my other substitutes weren’t cutting it.

I have decided that nobody, but nobody, likes how anyone else drives.  My mother can’t stand how my siblings and I drive; we can’t stand how she drives.  We always think another person goes too fast, too slow, not aggressive enough, too wimpy, etc etc etc.  Some people, like Matthew, are saints and are able to rein in their comments when other people are driving.  (He says if he is getting a ride he does not have a right to complain.)  I agree in principle, but in practice it is harder.

Why do I have Christmas songs stuck in my head?  This should not happen for at least another 17 days.

We did a cultural competence day at my fellowship.  It turns out that I’m incredibly culturally competent.  I actually felt smart.  As an adult, I have made a real effort to become aware of my own privileges and explore issues of racial, economic, gender, sexuality, etc. justice, and I think that work has paid off.  I do not mean to brag here, but I know a lot.  And given how much trouble autistics are supposed to have taking another’s perspective, I’m pretty good at it.

I am reading Neurotribes by Steve Silberman.  It is FANTASTIC.  It is keeping me up at night to read.  And today – ARGH! – I left it at work and I won’t be back there till Thursday.

I’m taking L. to a story time at a trampoline park on Thursday.  I’m more than a little excited about this, but I kind of think it would make more sense to have the story time after the jumping part, not before, as they are doing.

I went to a Thing on Sunday, and an Incident happened regarding dog poop, and oh my gracious, it was THE funniest thing ever.  I laughed so hard – I’m still laughing as I write this – yet somehow, the utter hilariousness of the story does not come out in the telling.  But trust me – it really was too funny.

We finally turned our heat on last night.  We’ve had a very warm fall.  I’m hoping this means a slightly easier winter than last year.  The Farmer’s Almanac predicted a terrible one last winter and they were right, and they are predicting another terrible one, but I don’t know if that is accurate or not.

Why is the GPS in my phone acting weird lately? It knows where I am but won’t pull up the street grid.  Is 2 years a lifetime for a phone?

I’m watching Percy tomorrow because it is Veterans Day.  Percy is quite possibly one of the happiest, most delightful kids I’ve ever met.  He’s 3 and I’ve known him since he was 2 months old.  I don’t get to see him that much anymore so I’m excited.  (No, his name is not Percy.  Who the heck (besides Molly Weasley, who is fictional) names their kid Percy?  I just like the name. And it fits him.)

My obsessions are quite bad lately, but I know that they are my body and brain’s way of coping with the stress I am under.  So I suppose that makes them a good thing?  But it doesn’t feel so good to me when I realize I’ve been doing the same thing for 6 hours and cannot stop.

I am so busy and so stressed that I am not thinking or planning ahead at all.  I’m just trying to take it week by week and day by day.  Even hour by hour.

Matthew and I put up plastic on all of our windows to insulate them.  The cats promptly tore them all down, even the stuff around the wall air-conditioner.  We’ve decided that it isn’t worth it to keep putting it back up – it is a pain in the neck to do it.  And these cats do not want to be trained.

I should go to bed.  Should.  Probably won’t, but should.

Goodnight. 

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