Things I Wonder, Things I Know

Winter, 2015 Edition


Why haven’t the prizes offered on Wait, Wait Don’t Tell me changed with the times? I’ve never desired to have Karl Kassels’ voice on my home answering machine or my voicemail, but I’m pretty darn good at those quizzes.

Salt can be optional in many things.  Granola is not and never will be one of those things.

If you are making a decision to not attend something, and feel a huge relief when you cancel your plans, then it was the right decision.

Why is butter in long sticks on the east coast and short, stubby ones on the west coast? Why do we have a butter dish that is clearly meant for the other coast?

What, exactly, makes a baby smell like a baby, and why is it so good a smell?

Why can I tell people I am gay, of which I have no proof, and have no questions asked, yet when I tell them I’m autistic, of which I have reams of proof, they tell me I’m not, really?

If I were a Puritan or a Pilgrim or a Native American person who lived a couple hundred years ago or even a hundred years ago without heat, I would not actually be living, because I would have died.

I really, really, really don’t like being cold.  But I don’t like being hot, either.  I truly believe that whether people are bothered by the cold or heat has nothing to do with their character or personality and everything to do with the way that their body interprets sensory experiences.  I tend to be hyper-sensitive to, well, everything, so it is not surprising that I am averse to temperature extremes.

Why does the batter of cookies made with those Crisco stick things taste worse, but the cookies taste better?

What is the point of a ‘selfie stick’? Can’t you just use, you know, your arm?

Every day lately I pass a sign reading ‘MLK DAY celebration’.  Every day, without fail, I read it as ‘MILKING DAY celebration’.  I think a celebration of milk would be cool.  We have sheep shearing festivals, why not milking and dairy festivals? (they probably have those, actually, just not around where I am.)

I always wanted to try raw milk because people say how wonderful it is.  Then a few years ago I did try it and it was the most disgusting thing ever.  It tasted like grass and manure and cow intestines.  Bring on the pasteurization now, please.

Gas fireplaces are awesome.

Is it possible for it to be too cold to snow? Is that why we’ve had barely any? I’m not a big fan of snow because shoveling really sucks, but I do like at least one or two big storms of a winter.  Preferably on a Friday-Saturday, because that is the most convenient for my current schedule.

What’s with the whole sea-salt craze? You want to take something unhealthy, like chocolate, and make it even more unhealthy by upping the sodium intake? Caramel and salt do not go together, IMHO.

Why is it that I feel like I’m the laziest person on earth if I watch television for more than an hour or two, yet listening to NPR for five or six hours does not make me feel so lazy? Why do I see tv-watching as an exclusively after-dark activity, yet radio is good any time of day? Is it because I internally feel radio to be more morally acceptable and educational than television? Hmmm…….

What have you wondered lately?


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